Dear Elsevier

I am writing a grant application. This morning I found a reference I need. You published it. Even though it is 6 years old, you want $34 for the reprint.

Fine, I need it. I will pony up this amount.

It has been long enough since I registered with “your fine service” that I cannot remember my password. Your automatons were kind enough to reset it to a string of letters and numbers chosen at random.

Now your site still will not let me log in. I’m using the email to which you just sent the reset password. The password was copied directly from the email, and I made sure there was no punctuation to mess things up.

When I try to register as a new customer, I cannot. I am given my username (my email address) and told to login. Your site then tells me that my username and/or password is “not recognized.” Even though your computer just sent them to me.

Maybe I can live without this paper. 

What I really really want to do right now is find my gleaming blade and confront whoever (1)decided to charge for downloads forever and (2)designed your clearly fucked-up online download system. Of course, you’re only hurting yourselves. And I did just save $34 of the university’s money.

Happy Holidays, Elsevier!

Photo courtesy of PhotoXpress.